Cleaning Out the Past

Lately I've noticed a reoccurring theme with my dreams - high school, old boyfriends, and friends that you never think about. (You know - the ones you don't want to think about.) All together these categories represent the past. It's not horrible, but it's on the fringe of annoying.

Anytime I dream, I always ask God about each dream individually. Though recently I was just thinking, why do I keep having dreams with random pieces of my past showing up? I thought about it for a couple weeks. In fact I said, "God, why do I keep dreaming about these past things? Are you trying to tell me something?" I got nothing.

Then a couple weeks ago, my co-worker was talking about going through old things and giving things away and letting other people use them. When she said that is resonated in me that, "Yes, I should get rid of things that I'm not using in order to let others use them - especially gifts from past relationships." Why should I save purses, coats, jewelry, etc. from other men other than my current boyfriend? Or why should I save kitchen items that I'm not using just because "some day I"m going to have a family and I might bake bread." Or why should I keep old cameras, phones, computers that I don't need now, but may want to use later. Or clothes that are really cute today and out of style tomorrow. Somebody else could use these things before they become antique.

That was it. I decided it was time to move on, clean up my stuff, get rid of past things, give away things that I don't need. I decided to get the trash bags ready and take the usable things to Goodwill. So far I've made two trips with full trunk loads. Yay me!

In the midst of this I realized - since I'm God's - it's his responsibility to take care of me when I need something. Really it says so in Matthew. God clothes the birds, he'll definitely clothe me. He is my provider and when it comes time to bake bread for my family someday, he will bring me the materials or else enough money to buy the good stuff from the baker's. I don't have to pull out my 1994 bread machine. Come on!

Then tonight - I started going through old notes, college course folders, books, etc. You would not believe the cards I found from old boyfriends, notebooks with scribbles of "I love so and so." Gifts and flat out junk that represented a time in my life that doesn't exist anymore - nor do I want it to exist anymore. I gladly pitched them all in the recycle bin. No more memories of gifts from old relationships or birthday cards titled 'Hey babe" from old beau's.

The weird thing in all this is that I know I'm totally healed from the past and old relationships. What I realized though was that in the natural I had all these old memories through objects that I didn't want to get rid of at certain times in my life. But tonight it was time. I mean I had no guilt, remorse or sadness in throwing out and getting ridding of stuff. It was like the last part in my life of letting go of past hurts, negative memories and people that don't exist to me anymore.

And literally, in the midst of cleaning out the past I started to laugh. I mean flat out laughter - the kind that declares "breakthrough!" Ha ha I"m making progress and I'm moving on!

I've still got the rest of the basement and every room to go through, but once I clean out all this junk - I have a feeling I'll stop dreaming about past crushes, high school peeps,etc. In fact I know it. I already feel better just thinking about it.